Chasse
à l'homme
Un Français et un espagnol
chassent la canard. Les deux tirent, le canard tombe et
l'espagnol l'attrape par la queue et le français par les pattes. L'espagnol
propose une solution pour régler le différent : "Nous allons nous donner à tour
de rôle un coup de pied là où cela fait le plus mal aux hommes. Le premier qui
abandonne perd le canard. Je commence." Il frappe, le français se tord de
douleur, puis se relève : "A mon tour !". L'Espagnol
lui dit alors "on ne va tout de même pas se battre pour un canard !".
Habla hispana
Subject
: Improper
language use
Date
:
From
: Human
resources and communication
To
: spanish-staff@company.com
The
following memorandum is based on the field study of a dedicated team composed of
sociologists, linguists, lawyers, psychologists and palaeontologists. The
purpose of this memorandum is to convince Spanish staff to behave properly in a
multicultural atmosphere, in particular as regards the use of
language.
Read it
carefully, it could help you!
It has been
brought to our attention that offensive language is commonly used by our Spanish
staff. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our company policy, is highly
unprofessional, and offensive to both our visitors and
staff alike. Therefore it is requested that our Spanish staff adhere to the
following rules immediately :
1. Foreign
visitors should not be referred to as "mira ese guiri de mierda" or "pasa de ese polaco"
2. Words
like "coño", "hostia", and
other such expressions will not be used as emphasis, no matter how heated the
discussion
3. You will
not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "la
está cagando" if you see
somebody being reprimanded, or "qué cagada" when a major mistake has been made. All direct and
derivated forms of the verb "cagar" are inappropriate in our
environment
4. No
project manager, section, head or administration chief will be referred to,
under any circumstances, as "el hijo de la gran puta" or "el muy cabrón" or even "el come mierda"
5. Lack of
determination will not be referred to as "falta de
huevos" or "mariconera" nor
will persons with a lack of initiative be referred to as "capullo" or "acojonado".
6. Unusual
and/or creative ideas will not be referred to as "pajas mentales" in particular when
they stem from your manager.
7. You will
not say "
8. When
asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "vete a la mierda" nor should you
ever substitute the most educated "May I help you ?" with "¿Qué coño quieres?"
9. If
things get tough an acceptable expression such as "we are going through a
difficult time" should be used, rather than "esto
está jodido" or "nos van a follar a todos" or "el futuro es más negro que el sobaco de un mono".
Additionally, if you make a mistake, just say so, and do not say qué putada" or any expression
composed with the root "puta".
10. No
salary increase should ever be referred to as "subida
de mierda".
11. Last
but not least, after reading this note, please do not say "me voy a limpiar el culo con ella" or "me la paso por el forro de los cojones". Just keep it clean
and odourless and dispose of it properly.
If this
note does not achieve its goal to improve Spanish staff's language, it can
always be used as a spanish
language course for foreigners.
Internationales